Hey there, yes you... I can imagine that the last couple of days, weeks, months or even years have been quite rough! I can relate I have been there, and I sometimes have to make a detour in that valley, or even the same valley over and over again... Once again this is not a motivational post, but a relatable one, and I am not a Psychologist or Professional- if you feel like you're depressed get in touch with a professional or SADAG.
Now that the disclaimers are out of the way, let's get into this week's reflections... So, many of you may know, and you will note that I am not only a spiritual person but I also believe in God, the creator of all things and happenings (yes I said that), but there was a time when I stopped believing. Not in God per-say, but in why I was created and why I had to suffer so much through life? I often wondered if my purpose on this earth was to struggle through it, when the word (Bible) said things differently? I struggled, especially when I got raped in 2011 and got depressed, got into a state... When I look back; that is exactly when my faith started to waiver, especially because I was raped by a man from church (another survival story for another day).
I questioned so many things, and I still do have many questions; however my faith in God and relationship has evolved. When and how did this happen you wonder? It first happened a few days before I was discharged from the mental health hospital- I had started dealing with the anger and disappointment, my new medication was sort of kicking in, but the isolation from all the hustle and bustle of life and social media, played a great part in my acceptance of my situation. Before you can heal you need to accept. You have to accept that something inside of you is broken or needs to break; and that is the reason why the song of the week is "Break The Shell" by India Arie. This song speaks to how it's okay to hurt, but you have to acknowledge it, so that you can get into the journey of healing. You cannot heal what you do not acknowledge; and acknowledging your pain is not an instant access to your complete healing.
People often ask me how did I get to the point where I am today; hey it's a never ending process, I tell them. I have to choose it daily, and if I don't choose it on the one day I try to choose it on the next. That for me has been breaking the shell, this means I break through whatever is hurting me and I tell it to God as it is. My relationship with God has gotten to a point where I break down in the middle of my living room, in the shower, in my bedroom and I tell God that I am tired of the meds and the therapy; this 'thing' is a thorn on my side... I feel and go through the motions, then I move on. When a bird breaks out of a shell it never goes back into it's shell, because it is that, a broken shell.
So child it is time to break the shell, life will hurt and it won't be easy. Break the shell by seeking help, forming healthy habits, taking your medication as prescribed, going to therapy, building a support network, attending support groups, or simply by picking up the phone and posting "help I am breaking". Break through all of this in prayer and meditation, so that you can begin your healing process, remember I said begin. The longer you postpone it, the longer it takes to heal and healing is PROGRESSIVE it is not an instantaneous thing. So child, I pray you break the shell. Have a wonderful week, and yes I will hold you in prayer.