My deepest fear


Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness That most frightens us. 

We ask ourselves Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?  You are a child of God. 

Your playing small  Does not serve the world.  There's nothing enlightened about shrinking  So that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine,  As children do.  We were born to make manifest  The glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us;  It's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,  We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.  As we're liberated from our own fear,  Our presence automatically liberates others.

 - Marianne Williamson

Hi, welcome to my blog/website, to tell you the truth this has been ready for about a month now, I was just afraid to click the 'publish button'. My fear was driven by the fact that I would be bearing my wounds, healings, trials and triumphs for all to see; in the hope that it would heal someone else, but that it would first heal me. I kept on postponing the launch date, because it hit me that this is BIGGER than me! The inboxes, phone calls, tweets, facebook messages and Instagram comments made me realise that there are so many people like me, who are afraid of revealing their worst and best, yet authentic selves... See, the thing about authenticy is this; it forces you to bear your strengths and weaknesses, it pushes you out of your 'perfect life phase', you cannot just tear the best page from your book of life, because then you cease to be authentic.



This is what my journey of accepting my mental and neurological illness has taught me, to be authentic and less judgmental of myself; and others. Navigating these conditions has forced me to see myself as I am, and to work with who I am and God's purpose for me. I have become more kinder towards myself and towards others, I embrace peace because when you have to live your life through therapy and chronic medication, you become intentional about keeping your peace. Some days are up, others are down but I live through them. Sharing this phase of my life has been the most frightening which is why the quote above by Marianne Williamson perfectly summarises the journey which I am about to embark with not just myself but with you the readers of this blog. I wanted to call it off, and then I remembered why I wanted to do this, to begin with... This is my "I am actually okay" chapter in my life, and I am no longer just surviving but "thriving" I finally get to loudly and boldly say that I live with Bipolar, Depression and Temporal Lobe Epilepsy. These conditions do not define me neither are they the end of me, I live with them, I navigate them daily, and every day with them makes me remember how fearfully and wonderfully made I am!

Back to the quote, so you guys saw my posts on social mead on the 10 May 2019, saying "Tonight is the night!"... I took a step back, into fear, until my cousin gave me a call on Sabbath/Saturday to tell me how inspired she is by my journey and that she is still surprised that I had been living through and keeping such a secret, carrying such a burden. She had no idea that I was backing out on launching my blog, she kept on affirming and encouraging me, and said something that moved me a little bit out of my space of fear, "Just know that your story is going to help others like you to speak up, and understand that some people may meet you with shame and disappointment, but do it anyway." I felt like she knew I was struggling to press the publish button, and I continued with our conversation, and ended it on words of love and appreciation. She had no idea what she just did for me. Fast forward to Sunday morning, I woke up read my scripture for the day, meditated and listen to my spiritual affirmations. When I was done, I heard a small voice say, "Your deepest fear is that you are powerful beyond measure. It is your light, not your darkness that most frightens you." It hit me that I was afraid of how what I was about to do was going to set the world on fire. 

So, this is me shinning this little light of mine, I hope it can inspire someone else to shine theirs. Welcome to my blog!

PK