We are in the second half of the year, and this time it feels different to me... Why you ask? On the 7th of June I will be counting six months since I survived my suicide. Six months ago I was in a different place, I had no intentions to live I was drowning in depression, and I honestly did not think I would survive. Well here I am, I have survived to tell the tale.
People often ask me how I did it, where did I find the will and purpose to live... It is not easy, I often say, I also have bad days, not everyday is rosey but I chose to do the basics. Below are the basics before I continue with this post;
I eat right.
I cut off relationships that were contributing negatively to my wellness.
I pray and meditate a lot more.
I created a support network for myself, I know who I can trust when it comes to my mental and neurological health. Not everyone deserves your scared space.
I have been trying to go to gym more often, it helps.
I take my medication regularly as directed.
I go to my therapy sessions.
I chose to find a balance between work and play, in the past I worked more and played less, now I try to balance both.
I have clear boundaries, and when they are violated, there are repercussions.
Finally I have cut out things that may cause any type of anxiety, for example focusing on my financial wellness and restructuring my lifestyle.
Living with a mental and neurological illness is challenging, but I have found that the more I become intentional with choosing to survive and live each day; the better I become at managing it. It is so easy to slip into despair , I must admit I sometimes do, but I rest in the promise that I made with God, the day I found out I had temporal lobe epilepsy. I had been crying for days, I was ugly crying everywhere; until I got up one morning and had a serious unfiltered conversation with God. I told God that my illness has to help somebody, and has to heal someone and remove the shame that we mental health sufferers have to live with everyday. Since that prayer, it became clear to me that I was healing, and on that morning not coincidently but as planned by God, I read a powerful quote. This quote affirmed the healing and task ahead of me, "You can either break down and stay broken down and eventually shut down, or you can break open. It's a decision you make, it's a commitment." - Elizabeth Lesser. Now, let's be clear I am no motivational speaker, however I am a believer of affirmation and doing the work. Healing takes work, it sounds like an amazing idea when everyone talks about going to therapy; it is so much work. Therapy is like getting your wounds cleaned- it stings. You have to confront your weaknesses and acknowledge your strengths, you have to reform your beliefs and see your wounds for what they are as they rise to the surface. You have to allow yourself to break, be vulnerable so that you can heal. See, society punts that we need to be strong and have it all together, but I say it's okay to have seasons of not having it all together. Life is not linear, healing is a process. Healing is progressive, it never ends.
Since we are almost into the second half of the year- next month, I have chosen to focus on my spiritual and financial wellness. The mental health is coming up slowly and steady, it is time to focus on my other building blocks. It is a choice that I have made, I want to move past surviving, I want to be living and thriving. I deserve to live in the abundance of joy that God has given me. I choose to do the work so that I can be better, spiritually, emotionally and physically. This is how I am reviving myself for the rest of the year, and I plan to celebrate the goodness and mercy that God has given me. Here's to a good second half, let's do this!